Questions to Ask Your Aunt or Uncle About Family History

Aunts and uncles often know the family stories your parents never told: the nicknames, the arguments, the house before it was sold. Here are 19 questions and a gentle way to ask them.

VoiceMoir guide · October 2026 · about 6 min read

When people think of family history, they usually think of grandparents. But an aunt or uncle sits in a useful spot. They knew your grandparents as a child knows parents, they watched your own parents grow up, and many are glad to be asked. With Thanksgiving coming, there may be a free hour at someone's table. It is worth using.

Before you ask: three small habits

• Pick one topic per visit. “Tell me about your childhood home” is easier to answer than “tell me everything”.
• Ask for the story, not the fact. “What was the day your family moved like?” gets more than “What year did you move?”. Dates can be checked later.
• Ask permission to record. Say why: “I would like to keep this so the younger ones can read it.” If they say no, take notes and ask again another day.

Growing up together

• What was the house you grew up in like? Which room do you remember best?
• What did a normal day look like when you were ten?
• What did you and my parent fight about as kids? Who usually won?
• Who was the one that got into trouble? What happened?
• What was dinner like? Who cooked, and what dish do you still think of?
• Did you have a nickname? Who gave it to you?

The grandparents, from a child's seat

• What was my grandmother like when she was in a good mood? And when she was not?
• What did my grandfather do for work, and how did it shape the family's days?
• What is one thing they said so often you can still hear it?
• What did they never talk about?

Their own life

• What was your first job, and what did you learn from it?
• Where did you meet your partner? Who else was there?
• What was the hardest year of your life, and who helped you through it?
• What are you proudest of that nobody asks about?
• Is there a place you always wanted to go?

Family stories and what they are worth

• Which story about our family do you think is true, and which one has grown with the telling?
• Where does our last name come from? Were any of us named after someone?
• Are there old photos, letters or recipes you have kept? Can we look at them together?
• If the younger ones could remember one thing about our family, what should it be?

How to ask at a busy table

Thanksgiving tables are loud. Ask your question while you help in the kitchen or while you are doing the dishes, one on one. Start with something light, like the nicknames or the house, and let the heavier topics come only if they open the door themselves. If your aunt or uncle gets quiet, do not fill the silence. Wait a few seconds. People often continue.

If they live far away, a phone call works. Put it on speaker, ask your question, and let them talk.

What if they say “I don't remember”?

Try a smaller door. Instead of “what was the farm like?”, ask “what did the kitchen smell like?”. Show a photo. A face or a street often brings the rest. And if a topic is painful, leave it. A relative who feels respected will often bring it up later, on their own terms.

Compare versions, kindly

Two siblings rarely remember the same event the same way. That is not a problem to solve. Write down each version with the name of the person who told it, and note the differences. Your family history will be richer for having both, and you avoid choosing sides.

Keep it before the next visit

After the conversation, spend ten minutes writing down three things: the best sentence, a name or place you want to check, and one question for next time. Stories that are not written down within a few days begin to blur. Gather what each relative tells you in one place, labeled with who said it and when, so the pieces can become one family story rather than scattered notes.

Also read: How to record your parents' life story · Thanksgiving questions to ask family · 70 questions to ask your grandparents.