Questions to ask a veteran in your family: 30 ideas for Veterans Day

Veterans Day is on November 11. Before it arrives, here are 30 respectful questions for a grandfather, a parent or a neighbor who served, a thing or two to avoid, and a simple way to keep what they tell you.

VoiceMoir guide · October 2026 · about 5 min read

Many people who served don't volunteer their stories. It isn't always because they don't want to share. Often nobody has asked in a way that felt easy to answer. A few weeks before Veterans Day, when the holiday is on everyone's mind, is a good time to ask.

The questions below are meant for a family member or a friend, not for a formal interview. You don't need to ask all of them, and you shouldn't. Pick three or four, and let the conversation go where it wants.

Before you start

• Ask for permission, not for a performance. "I'd love to hear about your time in the service, if you're open to it. Would it be okay if I recorded it so I don't forget?"
• Begin with the ordinary. Food, friends, letters home and boredom are as much a part of service as anything else, and they are easier to talk about.
• Let them set the depth. If they steer away from a subject, follow them. Some memories are theirs to keep.
• Don't ask whether they killed anyone. Many veterans find it intrusive. If something hard needs to be said, they will say it when they are ready.
• Start with a sincere thank you. A few honest words before you begin tell them you take this seriously.
• Keep it short. Twenty or thirty minutes is plenty. Come back another day.

Why they joined

1. When did you first think about serving? Who knew before you told them?
2. Did you enlist or were you drafted? What was going on in your life at that time?
3. What did your family say when you told them?
4. Which branch were you in, and how did that come about?
5. What do you remember about the day you left home?

Training and the first days

6. What was your first day of basic training like?
7. Who was the toughest person you met, and what did you learn from them?
8. What was the hardest thing about the early weeks?
9. Who were the first friends you made? Do you remember their names?
10. Did anything funny happen that you still laugh about?

Day-to-day life

11. What was a normal day like?
12. What did you eat, and what did you miss eating?
13. How did you stay in touch with home? Do you remember a letter or a call that mattered?
14. What did you do on your days off?
15. Was there a song, a smell or a place that you associate with that time?
16. What did you carry with you that mattered to you?

People and moments

17. Who was someone you served with that you still think about?
18. What is a moment you were proud of?
19. What is a moment that taught you something about yourself?
20. Was there someone who looked out for you? Did you get to thank them?
21. Are there stories you've never told because nobody asked?

Coming home and afterward

22. What do you remember about the day you came home?
23. How did people treat you when you got back?
24. What was it like to return to ordinary life?
25. How did your time in the service shape the kind of person you became?
26. Did you stay in touch with the people you served with?

What they'd like to pass on

27. What do you wish people understood about military life?
28. What advice would you give to a young person thinking about serving?
29. What would you like your grandchildren to know about this part of your life?
30. Is there anything you'd like to add that I didn't ask?

If the answer to the last question is "no," that's fine too.

If they don't want to talk

Sometimes the answer is "not really." Don't push. You can say: "That's okay. If you ever feel like it, I'd love to hear." Many people open up months later, after hearing that the door is still open. In the meantime, you can ask about something smaller: a photo, a medal in a drawer, a uniform in a closet. Objects are easier to talk about than events.

How to keep what they tell you

• Turn the recording into text soon. Text can be read, printed and sent to cousins. A long audio file in a phone is rarely played again.
• Write down who, where and when. "Told by Grandpa Bill, October 2026" is as valuable as the story itself.
• Check names and dates later. Don't interrupt to correct them. Fix the details afterward, with photos or other relatives.
• Keep a copy outside the phone. A PDF emailed to the family, or a printed booklet.
• Share it with them first. Let them read what you wrote down. It's their story, and they should be the first to see it.

Also read: Questions to ask your grandparents about their life · How to record your parents' life story without turning it into homework.